A Long Time Between...

It's been a while since my last post and I have been trying to think of reasons why.... Is it because I have been so busy with work of late? Or is it because I haven't had anything that I really wanted to say? Or maybe something else...

To be honest I don't know - in the days after my birthday I started down what I knew would be a reflective and soul-searching path. I could tell it was coming - the time of year and all... I always get a little deeper around this time of year and this one is more so than many others a time when I feel like I need to look back on some things and try to make a little sense out of it all.

The kicker is that it doesn't make sense.

I can see whey the universe might lead me where it has professionally, and I can see the reasons behind all of the personal upheaval... and yet still all of the hurt and all of the pain and tears don't seem to weigh things out very evenly. I almost cried at work today if you can believe it? I was doing the most menial of tasks and a thought just flashed through my mind and the profound sense of loss that I have bounced around inside all year just touched the surface for a second. It caught me off guard - almost scared me in a way to think that it is all right there just below the surface.

So, what I am hoping for this Christmas is a little bit of time to think back over the past year and try to sort it out a bit - try to sift through the surface stuff and focus a little more on what was good about it all. I cherish that time for reflection because I afford myself so little of it. I know I should do it more... but something always comes along.

So, I wish for a little more time this year...