Exhausted By...

So, I am at the point where I am completely exhausted - you know, when you hit the end of a long stretch of work and there is just one more day left to get through and you are wondering how you are going to do it. I can honestly say that my Monday and Tuesday off are going to be two of the most welcome in a long long time.

I'm working in an industry that like most gets all wound up this time of year and although it's great that the cash is flowing in and we are looking at nice bonuses, it is truly truly tiring. In that inner body tired sort of way.

I'm looking at a Birthday too in the next week or so - I am a sag to the core. Just about everything that I have read about my sign I seem to agree with to some extent. It's curious because I don't really know how much I buy into all of that, but there seems to be something to it. A dear friend and I will be celebrating together this year and it should be fun. Of course as I am constantly trying not to remind myself (it's not working very well) it will be the first I have celebrated alone since I turned 20. As much as I try that is going to be on my mind and I can't seem to escape how it makes me feel.

I did have a really nice Thanksgiving (even though I celebrated the Canadian one too last month). Several good friends came over and we enjoyed some great food and great wine. A memorable time and I wish that I had had the next day off to recoup. I admire my mother so much for putting together all of those big family dinners year after year and still being able to get out of bed the next day and do something productive. I was a mess. Just too tired...

My mom always made the best family dinners and half a dozen times a year the extended family would all be together on the farm and it was always so much fun. Those are events that I miss. My mom does too and I feel bad that they don't happen any more. My dad is not doing well and unfortunately my sisters have chosen to distance themselves. It is the healthiest choice for them and I almost envy their ability to do so. At times I think it would be the healthy choice for me too. I am sensing a pattern.

And of course the holidays continue to have me pining for a man to enjoy them with. I continue with the fantasy of it all... I am inspired to wear my jeans to the gym tomorrow (nah...)