Losing Someone Special...

Some time in the next few days my grandmother, who is in her mid-nineties, is going to die... I've been thinking a lot about her and trying to realize the fact that I am never going to see her again. For so long she was an almost everyday fixture in my life. I used to ride my bike home from school and stop at her house before getting there to spend some time with here. When I was able to visit with her briefly a few weeks ago she mentioned those bike rides and how special that was to her. I remember thinking that she didn't look very good and it crossed my mind that she may not be around for much longer...

It was a special visit and I left feeling really good about being able to catch up with her and enjoy her company one last time. It makes it seem so strange that I am writing this now, knowing that she is still living (although not responsive). In a way I feel like she is already gone and in a sense she is. We had a last visit and I think that maybe we both sensed that that was what it was. She spoke of things that we didn't normally talk about and we laughed about me flying home to visit and how strange she thought it was... she has only been in a plane once in her 95 years and it was such a short trip. She always seemed amazed that I managed to get home to visit as often as I did. I always tried to make time for a visit with them no matter how brief it was.

She had a strange relationship with my parents. Her son, my dad, has had a difficult time dealing with a myriad of issues and I think that he is going to take her parting hard. I think that it may actually in the end be some much needed closure for him on some long standing issues that have never really been confronted.

Her passing will be very very sad for me. I will miss her and it makes me think of another who is not a part of my life right now. Reflecting on her role in my life makes me glad that I never missed an opportunity with her. My life with my grandmother seems complete... I don't like thinking that the other is not.

It is going to be a very sad day.