Been a While...

Well, I do my best to update my blog every other day but this past week has been a tough one. Friends birthday's to celebrate, friends visiting town, and lots and lots of work have prevented me from being here for a few days.

Work continues to steam full-speed ahead and I have to say that I am really enjoying it. I know I have mentioned it before but it is something that I am really good at doing and although not the most challenging job I have ever had it is kind of nice to be able to enjoy the fruits of my labours rather that just hoping that they are paying off somewhere.

I had an interesting chat today with someone about how we seem so willing at times to deceive ourselves. Whether it be to convince ourselves that we are happy doing what we are doing, where we are doing it, or who we are doing it with. It made me think of both my job as a teacher, where I endured seemingly unending insults, degradation, and professional humiliation, and it made me think of The Ex, who has done such a number on me...

Celebrating a birthday party of a dear friend who used to be a mutual friend of ours when we were together made me think of him also. It used to be so nice to be a room full of people and be able to look at him and know that there was that person that meant the world to me and that whether the party was a dud or not he was going to be there with me when I left. A romantic notion I know but it was there nonetheless and one that I made note of often. Plus, it seemed that celebrating this birthday was just another marker in the distance between us. Funny, The Difference Between Us is one of Tina Turner's best songs and I have always loved it... God I miss him.

I don't know why I stayed at the teaching post so long knowing how incredibly difficult it was both mentally and physically. I recall having to clean the mouse shit off of my desk every morning in my classroom because our building was completely infested. There were even times when mice would run across the classroom floor in the middle of a lesson - can you imagine getting everything back to order following that? It was such an unhealthy place to be in a physical sense let a lone a mental one. So why did I stay? I did I keep showing up there day after day? What was it that I was attempting to convince myself of? I think we ignore the obvious sometimes because we want our world to exist the way we believe that it should. But it's not just our world is it? And it's never the same as anyone else's.

Of course in my world I am starting to need a better tan so I think I better try to get some sun on my next day off. I turn a terrible shade of white in the Winter months if I don't keep it up regularly... I'm hoping to look like the pic by some time in mid-December... of course it's not just his tan that I like.