One Official Day, And An Exercise In Loverdom

A dear friend and fellow teacher (or ex-fellow seeing as I am not teaching right now) sent me a question from her PD that posed a question about what it means when a Student shows a lack of respect/is disruptive in your classroom. It made me think - for two days and I'm not necessarily happy with what I have come up with. So, of course I have to write it down here...

Oh, and Angela finally got the boot on PR. Thank God! Now we just need to get rid of that idiot Vincent...

My response:

So, I have been thinking and thinking about your exercise and I think I have trouble with the word "disruptive"... when used re: the student, I think we are talking about a lack of respect - or outwardly disrespectful behavior right? Because I think lovers should be disruptive in the sense that they shake things up. I think that lovers should push all of your buttons and make you grow and think and change for the better. I think that the idea that there is that perfect person for you is scary because if they are perfect then why do they need you? So, if we are talking about when a Lover shows a lack of respect (I think that is what you were suggesting) then my response might be thus....

When a lover shows a lack of respect they are sending you a message that I think can be one of two things (and they are not necessarily mutually exclusive). I think that it can mean that they no longer hold you - the idea of you - in that untouchable space that should only be reserved for you.

I think that a lover should always have a place reserved for them within their partner that is a step beyond the rest of the world... a place where your feelings are something sacred, a place that is inconvenient to find sometimes but always worth it, a place filled with your love for them and your wellbeing and your desires...

I also think when they are disrespectful it can be a sign that something is going wrong for them - something that they are having trouble understanding, dealing with, or denying that is attacking that place where they hold you so dear... I do think that when that space is invaded by whatever the outside force it signifies that a choice has been made. That space is only up for invasion when it is allowed to be and that choice, to not put you first, is... well this is where I get stuck. What does that choice mean? Do they just not love you any more? Has the love changed? Can they still love you and let that space get damaged?

It seems the answer is much more complicated than I thought it may ever be. Or, maybe I am too eager to make excuses and I am just being foolish... what do you think?

Ahhh love, what a fine mess I have made of it of late.