A Long Time Between...

It's been a while since my last post and I have been trying to think of reasons why.... Is it because I have been so busy with work of late? Or is it because I haven't had anything that I really wanted to say? Or maybe something else...

To be honest I don't know - in the days after my birthday I started down what I knew would be a reflective and soul-searching path. I could tell it was coming - the time of year and all... I always get a little deeper around this time of year and this one is more so than many others a time when I feel like I need to look back on some things and try to make a little sense out of it all.

The kicker is that it doesn't make sense.

I can see whey the universe might lead me where it has professionally, and I can see the reasons behind all of the personal upheaval... and yet still all of the hurt and all of the pain and tears don't seem to weigh things out very evenly. I almost cried at work today if you can believe it? I was doing the most menial of tasks and a thought just flashed through my mind and the profound sense of loss that I have bounced around inside all year just touched the surface for a second. It caught me off guard - almost scared me in a way to think that it is all right there just below the surface.

So, what I am hoping for this Christmas is a little bit of time to think back over the past year and try to sort it out a bit - try to sift through the surface stuff and focus a little more on what was good about it all. I cherish that time for reflection because I afford myself so little of it. I know I should do it more... but something always comes along.

So, I wish for a little more time this year...

Another Year Older And...

So, I am a little bit older and feel maybe just a little bit wiser - I guess that is the name of the game right? Thinking back over the past year I have seen some the the biggest and proudest moments of my life along with some of the most profoundly sad and disheartening. As a friend of mine oftne says, it is all about balance... one part of your life swings up and the other swings down - it all keeps you in balance. Sometimes that is tough to handle though. You just want it all to run smoothly just for a little while.

I just finished watching A Prairie Home Companion and what a strange little movie that is. Full of incredible talent and despite her latest fumbles, Lindsay Lohan manages to pull of a decent performance next to some of the biggest talent out there in Hollywood. I'm certainly not a big fan of hers, but she manages to do okay.

Thant's not the point though. There is a number about two-thirds of the way through the movie - a song to Mama that is really really beautiful. Just a sweet reminder of someone lost to you who meant a great deal... That number alone makes the movie worth seeing.

On the lighter side, I have begun my Holiday shopping. The tree is up and almost fully decorated. I decided to to light blue and silver this year. I change the colours every year and of course that means I have literally crates of ornaments. I love doing it. It's a little hard to be doing without that someone here but it is okay.

I've got a very posh and I'm sure divined Christmas party to attend tomorrow evening and I have the outfit all planned. I'm hoping for some cute boys there and maybe a little bit of flirting and fun. I know the party planner from my work and his events have seem to have quite a reputation. I guess we'll see....I'll be looking for the boy above. Happy Holidays indeed.